Ready Now
by soavezefiretto
Summary: If you tell me you don’t want me here, I’ll leave and never mention this again, I promise. But don’t tell me to leave just because it’s what you always do, because that has always been the way with us." PC. Rating for mild language. Please r&r.
1. One

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I just play here.

Summary: A reunion. P/C

A/N: English is not my native language. This is not betaed.

Reviews: certainly. I am especially interested in your thoughts about the portrayal of the characters – where they in character, believable? Any other comments and suggestions are greatly appreciated, too.

Ready Now

by

soavezefiretto

1.

Beverly was staring at the monitor in front of her, but she couldn't keep her eyes open, couldn't focus her thoughts. She knew she was doing nothing useful here, wasting precious time they didn't have. She should be eating something, then catching a few hours of sleep. Keep herself healthy and alert, like she constantly preached to her aids. A sleepwalking doctor is not of much use to her patients.

But she couldn't help it, it felt so good. Just sitting there, staring blankly at the monitor, doing nothing, thinking nothing, being nothing. She decided this was meditation. She would continue staring at this monitor, past this monitor, until she reached another state of consciousness, a state of perfect clarity in which the decomposing molecules floating around on the screen would rearrange themselves into a simple and beautiful organisation once again, and she would see the cure, right there in front of her, the missing detail that was keeping her from understanding the obvious. Developing a serum would be child's play after that, in a matter of days, no, hours, these horrible weeks would be forgotten, and everyone would be safe, everything would be alright...

---

"Doctor? Doctor?"

"Yes? Yes, what is it? Another mutation?"

Her head jerked up, and for a second, Beverly was convinced her neck was going to snap. "OW!" Sleeping slumped on a desk never had been a good idea, especially not for her, not with her back. But wait a minute, she wasn't sleeping, she was meditating, she was...

"We just received a message from the Enterprise, Doctor."

Ensign Lopez was looking down on her with an undecipherable expression on his face. Was it pity, was it reproach? Anger, fear? Why would there be fear in Lopez' eyes? What could be so fearsome about a message from the Enterprise?

"Are they alright? Did anything happen to them?"

"Well, I don't know, Doctor. They are not very specific in the details." He handed her a PADD, at the same moment as she was saying: "Put it through to this office."

"No video or audio, just this coded transmission", Lopez said. Beverly had no trouble identifying his expression and tone now. He was pissed. Majorly.

She tried to keep her expression neutral as she glanced at the code, then punched in the standard decode sequence.

"Enterprise arrival delayed. Unable to calculate length of delay. USS Pushkin diverted, now on priority mission to Telvan III. Contact them for details. Apologies."

Beverly looked up, and Lopez answered her mute question. "The Pushkin is in the Delvara system. At warp 8, they will be here in another week. They are already en route."

"A week?"

"Commander, with all due respect, the Pushkin is a fine ship, but they don't have the resources to handle something like this. Their sickbay is about half of the Enterprise's, they don't have enough guest quarters to set up any kind of decent quarantine, and their labs are standard issue. We already have standard issue here, we need a lot more than that! – Commander?"

Beverly stood up, busied herself with tying her hair in a ponytail, straightening her clothes, shuffling together some PADDs that were strewn across the table. As soon as she could speak again, she turned to the ensign, praying her face wore a friendly, controlled expression.

"I'm sure the crew of the Pushkin will do everything in their power and more to help us." She thought of a reassuring smile, but knew she wouldn't be able to pull that off convincingly, so she stuck to firm and friendly.

"Yes, Commander, I'm sure they will, but it just won't be enough!"

Lopez was beginning to panic, his ice-blue eyes were darting this way and that, like little wild animals trying to escape their cage. Beverly put her hand on his shoulder and forced him to look at her.

"Listen, Lopez, it will be alright. We can do this. We have already found one serum to deal with most of the symptoms. And that has bought us time enough to find the definitive cure. I'm sure you have already sent the Pushkin all the data…" Lopez nodded once, it looked more as if is head was about to fall off. "…so they are already working on it at this very moment. It's not a matter of resources, it's a matter of approach. We've been here for almost two months now, surrounded by sick people, roughing it, barely eating and sleeping. We're not thinking clear. But the people on the Pushkin are. Chances are, when they arrive here, they'll already have the cure, and if they don't have it, they'll be far enough for us to jump in and wrap it up for them."

By God, she was good at this. She was almost convincing herself. Lopez straightened up. There were dark rings under his eyes, his mouth was drooping, and Beverly was sure he wanted to throw her off the Garakali Cliffs for all her fancy talking, but she knew he was going to hold up. He nodded again, in a more natural way this time, and turned to leave. He stopped before reaching the door and turned to face her once more.

"I still don't get it. The Enterprise knows what we're dealing with out here. Whatever it is that's 'delaying' them, it can't be more important, can it?"

"Believe me, ensign, if Jean-Luc Picard says he's delayed, then he's delayed, and that's that."

Lopez hesitated, then said: "You should get some sleep, Doctor."

"I will. I'll be fine, Darren. We'll all be fine."

As soon as Lopez closed the door behind him, Beverly felt the irresistible urge to fall in a heap on the floor and cry for a couple of hours. She wanted to kick her feet against the floor and scream at the top of her voice: "Get me out of here! Get me out of here! No more, no more!" No more vomit, no more blood, no more pustules, no more pleading eyes, dirty hands reaching for her, weak voices calling out…

She took the PADD Lopez had brought in and read the message again, then hurled it against the wall with all her might. "Fuck you, Jean-Luc Picard, fuck you over twice!"


	2. Two

2.

"How long until we reach Telvan III, Commander?"

"18 hours, 23 minutes, sir."

"Increase to warp six."

Data swivelled around from his station to face the captain. "I would advise against it, sir. After the damage we have sustained, the engines are still –"

"I am aware of the state of the engines, Commander, thank you. Carry out my order, Ensign."

"Aye, sir."

Before Data turned back to his console, he shot a glance at Riker. Riker nodded imperceptibly, and tried to keep his voice as neutral as possible as he addressed the captain.

"Captain, maybe we should check with Geordi before increasing speed. We're already limping badly enough as it is, almost everything except life-support and sickbay is shut down or running on minimum, and that's just to keep warp four."

"I assume you were not paying attention a moment ago, when I assured Mr. Data that I am perfectly aware of the state of the engines. That extends to the rest of the ship. We will maintain warp six."

Riker's comm-badge beeped. "La Forge to bridge!" Geordi did not sound happy.

Picard stood up. "Commander, please explain the situation to Mr. La Forge. I'll be in my Ready Room."

Riker waited until the doors had shut behind the captain before answering. "Hold on, Geordi, I'm coming down. - You have the bridge, Mr. Data."

"Aye, sir."

Geordi was waiting for him, arms akimbo, and Will wouldn't have been surprised to see steam rising from his head. As soft spoken and gentle as Geordi usually was, he took the abuse of his engines as a personal insult.

"Warp six? You shouldn't have come down here, Commander, because I'm going right up to the bridge and I'm telling the captain…"

"That wouldn't be such a good idea right now."

"Oh, and warp six is? Look at these readouts! We're burning out fast, Will!"

Geordi shoved a PADD into Riker's chest. Riker took it and looked at it. After a few minutes he sighed heavily.

"Ok, why don't we do this? You go down to warp four point five, and I go up and try to explain to the captain why we have to go down to warp four point five. How does that sound?"

"Well, not as good as full-stop and a week of repairs, but…" Geordi relaxed slightly. It seemed his engines where not going to die a slow and painful death after all. Not today, anyway.

"What is the matter, anyway? Why the rush? I thought we'd sent the Pushkin to fill in for us at Telvan III".

"You didn't read the report, Geordi. The last report indicated they had six thousand sick people in a small country hospital planned for two hundred, with a medical team of ten, plus the Starfleet research team, consisting of five more people. The Pushkin doesn't even begin to cover their necessities. Besides, since we don't have communications, we have no way of knowing if the Pushkin actually got there. Last we heard, the situation was barely controlled, the illness was contained and most cases were not fatal. But it's a very resilient virus, it keeps mutating, and there's a good chance people are starting to die as we talk."

"Ah, well, maybe I should have read – "

"Hey, Geordi, you were busy keeping this ship together! If you'd taken the time to read every report on your desk in depth, we'd be debris floating in space right now."

Geordi smiled. Will Riker always knew how to make you feel better when you really needed it. He nodded at the First Officer and was turning to go, when Riker said: "You didn't see who signed the report either, did you?"

"No."

"It was Beverly Crusher."

"Bev- wait a minute, you mean Beverly is with the Starfleet research team on Telvan III?"

"As soon as the illness broke out, they put her in charge. She's been there for the past two months."

"Two months? Oh my God!"

"Yep. And that's why he's so – upset. He just wants to get there as fast as he can." Riker gestured upwards to indicate the upper levels and bridge. "We all do, really. Only he's more – intent."

Geordi nodded. "Well, these engines will not be thankful, and in the end we'll need two weeks of repairs instead of one, but I think maybe I can pull off warp five. How about that?"

Will pounded Geordi's shoulder so hard that the engineer swayed briefly on his feet.

"Now you're talking!"


	3. Three

3.

She looked dead.

The harsh lights of the cargo bay had never been too flattering, and it was obvious that she hadn't been eating or sleeping properly for a very long time. She was ragged, thin, dirty, her skin was sallow, her hair dry and twisted into a very unbecoming bun. Still, to Jean-Luc she was the most stunning woman in the Universe, just like she had always been.

But the flash of radiant, intense happiness he felt when he saw her come out of the shuttlecraft – _she's alright, she's here_ – was brutally cut short when she began to walk towards him. It was something in the way she walked, almost staggered. That was more than mere tiredness, this – shuffling along, her eyes on the ground, not showing any interest in him or her surroundings. Jean-Luc had seen Beverly angry, doubtful, sad, desperate, happy, in love – but never uninterested. She always took active part in everything, she was always one hundred and fifty percent _there_. She was never loud or showy, but you just couldn't overlook her, and that was (well, that was one of the things) that made her so irresistible.

She came to a stop half a meter in front of him. She was still looking at the floor.

"Beverly." He lifted his hand, as if to touch her, but let it fall back again. After a few seconds, she lifted her head.

"I am sorry." Was she even hearing him, understanding his words? Her expression didn't change.

"It's alright." Her voice was rasping, as if she had been shouting too much. Or crying too much.

"There was a –"

She shook her head, with a trace of her usual energy.

"Please don't. I – I don't want to know. I – I…"

Her voice trailed off. Jean-Luc put both hands on her shoulders and leaned towards her, trying to make her look at him.

"It's over, Beverly. You can rest now. I'll take you to your quarters."

A sparkle of her former mischief flickered in her eyes as she asked: "Do I still have quarters?"

"As long as this is my ship."

For the first time, she looked him in the eye. A shiver ran through Jean-Luc's arms, and he didn't even think of trying to repress it. She was still there. Her eyes were stormy, but they were hers.

"That's… very…" She never finished the sentence. Jean-Luc picked her up in his arms as she collapsed, and carried her to sickbay.

---

"She'll be fine, Captain." Head Nurse Ogawa gave him a reassuring look. "She's just exhausted. Twelve hours of sleep, lots of water and protein, and she'll be as good as new."

"She's not infected then?"

"No. Most humans are resistent to this virus. That's why the Telvans specifically requested a human Starfleet Medical Team."

"But Dr. Selar is not human. Neither are several other people on the Enterprise's medical team."

"Dr. Selar had been working with the data we received from Dr. Crusher before we lost communications. Added to Dr. Crusher's advances on the field, it was a matter of hours until the two of them had developed an effective cross-species serum. The situation is well under control now."

As Dr. Selar told you when she contacted you not five minutes ago, just before Dr. Crusher's shuttle arrived… Alyssa decided not to add that last part. Instead, she nodded her head in the direction of the biobed on which Beverly was lying. "And she can get her well deserved rest." She turned toward the Captain again, who hadn't taken his eyes off Dr. Crusher during his whole exchange with her. "Can I ask you a personal favor, sir?"

That got his attention at last. "What is it, Lieutenant?"

"You have to have a very serious talk with her. I will too, but I know she'll listen to you."

"A talk about what?"

"About her health. She can't keep neglecting it like this. She has to eat, sleep, exercise, she has to take shore leave at regular intervals, vitamin supplements in stress-situations, have regular check-ups…"

"Well, Lieutenant, I am sure you appreciate the extreme conditions Dr. Crusher was enduring on Telvan III. She is very dedicated to her work. There are many situations is which personal wellbeing is not a priority for a Starfleet officer."

"I understand that, sir. But since the day I arrived on the Enterprise, Dr. Crusher repeated at least once a day 'the first responsibility of a doctor is to stay healthy herself, or else you won't be able to help anyone'. She always stuck to that, gave us example. It's not like her to let herself go like this." She hesitated. "And it's not just these past two months. I detected signs of neglect that go back much more that that."

"What do you mean?"

"An untreated stomach condition. Prolonged sleep deprivation. Serious nutritional deficiencies. Strained muscles all over her body. High levels of pain killers. Do I go on?"

The captain's eyes had wandered over to the biobed again. "Does she have to stay here?"

"Sir?"

"Is it necessary for her to stay in sickbay?"

"Well, I'd like to run some tests once she wakes up…"

"But her condition is stable, isn't it?"

"Yes, sir. Like I said, right now she's just exhausted. All she really needs is rest."

"I'd like to take her to her quarters then."

"Oh… well, I see no problem with that. I can check on her in regular intervals."

"That won't be necessary."

"But sir,…"

"I will take care of her."

There was an edge to his voice that Alyssa seldom heard. The only possible response to anything the captain said using that voice was 'yes, sir'.

"Yes sir. Do you want me to arrange for a site to site transport."

"No. We'll do it the old-fashioned way." He walked up the biobed and gently gathered Beverly into his arms. Alyssa put a couple of hyposprays into his right hand. "Give her this if she wakes up with a headache. It's also likely she'll have trouble going back to sleep, give her this. Call me if there's any trouble." Her voice was almost as stern as the captain's had been. He smiled.

"Aye aye, nurse."

She blushed. "I'm sorry… sir?"

The doors were already sliding shut behind him.


	4. Four

4.

Silence. Something was wrong. Where was the beeping and humming of the computers, where was the continuous rumour of voices behind the door, the occasional muffled scream, the crying of small children, the hurried steps, clinking of glass, the sound of a room, an entire house, full of ill and dying people? The sound of the wings of the angel of death. Where was it? Where they all dead? Had the final mutation occurred and set in while she was stupidly wasting her time with sleep, carried them all away in one swift, brutal stroke?

Beverly kept her eyes firmly shut and started to breathe heavily. A terrible headache was drilling into her skull, right between her eyebrows. She tried to concentrate.

Something touched her arm, and she screamed.

"Shhh, it's alright."

"What- who- where-?"

"Beverly, it's me. It's Jean-Luc. You're on the Enterprise."

"On the- Jean-Luc? What are you- Wait a minute. You sent a message. You said you weren't coming."

He flinched. "Not that I wasn't coming. That I'd be delayed. Now I'm here."

"Now you're – oh! Right." She pushed the hair out of her face and looked around the room. Suddenly, she thought of something and turned back towards him. The sudden movement almost made her faint from the pain.

"Oh!"

"Are you in pain? Headache?"

She nodded, momentarily incapable of speech.

"Here. Nurse Ogawa told me to give you this." He pressed a hypospray against her neck, and almost immediately relief washed over her.

"Wow. Thanks. That was a real killer."

For the first time, she seemed to focus. "Where's Dr. Selar?"

"Down on the planet."

"Is it working? The serum, the cure?"

"Yes."

"My team, are they- "

"They are all on the Enterprise, resting."

"And what-?"

"We have 76 people down there, Beverly. Maintenance, technicians, medical personnel, research. Dr. Selar estimates it will take about one week for this illness to be effectively eliminated from the planet. You will have time enough to consult with her and the rest of you team. Right now, you need to go back to sleep."

She couldn't think of any more questions, so she flopped back onto the pillow and closed her eyes. After two seconds she opened them again. "I'm not tired."

"Nurse Ogawa said there could be insomnia. She gave me this."

He pulled out the other hypospray, but Beverly raised her arm, blocking his way.

"No, wait. How long have I slept?"

"Not nearly long enough. About five hours."

"And what are you doing here?"

He was silent for one, two, three, four heartbeats. Then he said:

"Just watching."

"Watching me sleep?"

"Yes."

"You've never done that."

"No. I haven't."

Finally, Beverly let her head sink back onto the pillow again, closed her eyes and said:

"You should go get some sleep. The second you give me that hypo, I'll be out for eight hours straight." She waited for the touch of his hand, the coolness of the hypo against the skin of her neck, darkness and oblivion. Instead, Beverly felt a weight on the edge of her bed. The weight shifted this way and that, there was rustling. She opened her eyes and saw Jean-Luc sitting on the edge of the bed, bending over towards the floor. Propping herself up on an elbow, she looked closer to see what he was doing.

He was taking off his boots.

"What are you doing?"

"Following your advice."

"What advice?"

"'Get some sleep.'"

"Here? You want to sleep here?"

He turned toward her. Although he wasn't any closer than the second before, it seemed to Beverly that she hadn't really been aware of his presence until this moment. There were his eyes, intense, searching, a new assurance in them that she had never seen there before. There was his body, this body that she had so seldom touched and so often dreamed about. There was Jean-Luc Picard, and his presence was so overwhelming that for a moment Beverly wondered if it was fear she was feeling.

"Please, let me stay. Please, Beverly. Let me sleep with you."

"No way!"

To her astonishment, he smiled. And even against her will, Beverly's apprehension and anger vanished. She was too confused to be angry, and dammit, if he only would stop smiling her her like that!

"I have missed you. I have missed you terribly. And I know you will be gone and on the planet's surface the minute you're on your feet again, and there's a good chance I won't see you again in another year or two. There's even the, let's face it, very real possibility, that we will fight again before you leave and spend another year not even talking to each other."

Beverly was still propped up on her elbows, staring at him. He hadn't touched her once except for the one time he'd given her the painkiller.

He closed his eyes briefly.

"I don't want to waste any more time, Beverly. I am too old, and too tired. I don't have the energy. If you tell me you don't want me here, I'll leave and never mention this again, I promise. But don't tell me to leave just because it's what you always do, because that has always been the way with us."

"And what will it change if you stay?"

"Nothing. I will still love you. You will still run away in the morning. But I will have something to hold on to."

Of course, he was using a moment of extreme weakness. She should be furious about that, send him out of the room, who did he think she was, that she would let Jean-Luc Picard climb into her bed just like that? Did he think he was so irresistible?

Instead, she put a hand on his cheek. Big round tears where plopping on the sheets. A child's tears.

"Shhh, no, don't cry, Beverly, don't, I didn't mean to – "

Against his shoulder, his arms around her, supporting her, she sobbed, shook, wailed, screamed, babbled, lamented.

"I – I'm sorry – I messed up – so bad – you don't know, you can't – "

He let her cry. Then, his voice brought her back. He could still do that.

"And I don't want to know. Not now. All I want is to sleep here with you. Will you let me?"

The sobbing and shaking had stopped. She was looking at him, her face flushed and smeared with tears, her hair plastered to her temples, her eyes red. What beauty, what radiance, he thought.

"And if you messed up, I messed up just as bad as you. Let's leave it at that for now, all right?"

Beverly took him in, sitting there on the edge of her bed, his uniform soaked with her tears, his eyes warm and smiling, no uncertainty in them. One, two, three, four heartbeats. Then she laid down, closed her eyes, and pulled the cover over for him.

After a few seconds, she felt him slip into bed with her. He took her in his arms as if this was what he had been doing every night, a lifetime long. She felt something cool against her neck. He whispered:

"Are you ready to sleep now?"

"I am ready."


End file.
